Sunday, December 05, 2004

Its Sunday, supposed to be deployed for ops at Kallang indoor stadium, but after some misunderstanding, I didn’t have anything to be deployed for, so I got my lucky stars to thank. Anyway, its a really boring day, coz of the deployment, I changed my driving to yesterday, so I have got nothing to do on a lovely Sunday. Talking of yesterday, it was a rather eventful day, I almost got killed twice. Once by two lorries. The other by a SBS bus, I admit both was a little my fault. Oh well, never mind la. Saturday, I just had to go and break, didn’t want to lose my windmills. Was glad I went down though. The windmills felt rather good la. So I was rather happy. Then after that I left at 8 to join Mahmud and kel at aloha changi. Kind of sad that FTC none of them went. But I was glad I went, had a great time talking to mud abt stuff. Got the crew t-shirt finally. Really want to thank robin on the help he rendered on the design. The shirt was perfect except for the colors. But it’s ok. I have a basic idea for a second shirt already and robin agreed to help me again, what a gem.

Mahmud, if there should be a reason to why I join enemy ground and why I’m still in enemy ground, u are the only reason. I don mean to sound gay, but with you as my crew leader, I’m damn proud of you and enemy ground. Don worry, u won have to wait long for me to be able to represent enemy ground in powermoves.

Friday went to orchard, yes alone. Actually not really la, got kazumi, haha. But still I have yet to figure out why, but I’m kind of like being a loner sometimes. Shopping was nice, damn long since I went to orchard to shop, but I just had to get the mambo jeans I saw in Maxim, so I did. It’s the best buy for me since I ever started buying things. So yeah, fruitful shopping session. On the way back to kazumi, I walked past paragon and there were a bunch of people warming up, looked like break dancers and hip hoppers. And when the MC said that they were the illest and best crew in Singapore, I couldn’t walk away. And I was in a rude shock seriously, they were crap. den I saw this familiar face walk out. it was Wilson. the guy in my 2001 memories at tampines dome of nutcrackers and 1990s and hollowback. and of course the red converse shoes that he has been wearing ever since I saw him break. but the moment he started breaking, I was definitely surprised. he was a mere shadow of what he used to be. hmmm, I really don know what happened. I just had to walk away.

I guess nothing lasts forever in a certain sense.

as much as I hate to admit it, during sleepless nights, I close my eyes and images of me pounding my head in frustration when u told me u wanted a break up haunts me constantly. I don hate you. I have gotten past hating and loving you. I just hated myself for being weak willed when I could have just turned and walked away instead of being wishy washy. if I could turn back time, I definitely would not say that I want to go back to when the problems started, cause the problems happened for a reason, I would just want to go back to that moment and looked you straight in the eye, say so be it and turn and walk off. I may be destined to lose ur love, but at least it would ensure that my dignity be intact.

gilbert at 1:25 AM [comment]

{I hear voices, voices only half as humane as mine..}